The Golden Sharpie

135

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  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    I join the circus, and when you come to see one of our shows I swing from a trapeze down into the crowd, grabbing the sharpie from your pocket and zooming off again.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    I dress up as an average person and come to you after the show. I say that I noticed that you have a golden sharpie and asked if you would be so kind as to autograph my receipt for the show with it. As you are signing, completely unaware of who I am, I snatch the sharpie and run into my getaway car, and my sister drives me to New Jersey.
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    I get the license plate and use it to call the police and report a stolen vehicle.  While they search the car, I explain that the sharpie is an extremely dangerous weapon of mass destruction and only I know how to properly dispose of it.
    I take the sharpie and fly off in my private jet to my subterranean Antarctic base. (Circusing has proven surprisingly lucrative).
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    But when my sister comes, she shows the police proof that it isn't actually a stolen vehicle but it is, in fact, her vehicle. We then explain that sharpies can't actually do any harm so you were probably trying to make it do harm. The police think this is logical and provide us with transportation to Antarctica, where we soon find you in your neon pink parka and find the golden sharpie next to your pile of fish. You don't notice us because you are so absorbed by your fishing. We quickly run away and the police escort us back to New Jersey.
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • romy16romy16 The Netherlands Posts: 4,319 ✭✭✭
    However, the police actualy drop you of at Jersey, not New Jersey. Where I'm waiting for you with an army of ninjas to steal the sharpie from you. 

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    However, after defeating the ninja in the battle, he now owes me a favor.  I call the ninja, who is one of your army.  He takes the sharpie and flies to Antarctica, where he places the sharpie on top of the pile of fish I have caught.  Since previously leaving me, I have caught so many fish that I solve world hunger and become a hero for it.  The people announce me Queen of the Universe and the sharpie becomes the crown jewel in my crown.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    As you are sleeping, your crown is on your nightstand. It has absolutely no security around it. All I have to do to steal the sharpie (which wasn't strongly secured to the crown; don't trust that Jim guy!!) is to simply pull the sharpie out of it. At this point the sharpie is quivering. After I get outside I ask it what's wrong. It says that it is getting very frightened because of how he keeps switching hands. He says that he would gladly keep playing this game if only he had a little rest once in a while. He demands a month break, or else he will spontaneously combust from all the stress. Do you all agree to this? I would think so. The sharpie is mine for at least a month.
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • romy16romy16 The Netherlands Posts: 4,319 ✭✭✭
    A month is a long time period and you completely forget the sharpie. So after a month I just pretend to be a cleaning lady in that cleans your house and I take the sharpie home. When you finaly remember the sharpie and ask if I threw it away I say yes cause why keep a sharpie that you never use, it must be broken then. Which leads you to just search all the trash all day long while I make my escape.

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    I wait by the door and when you escape I trip you, steal the sharpie, and board a rocket ship to the recently constructed Moon Base.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • SANTA_ATE_CHICAGOSANTA_ATE_CHICAGO PennsylvaniaPosts: 2,637 ✭✭✭
    However, this pushes the rocket over the weight limit and you're forced to leave it behind. I calmly pick it up, walk away, and watch you launch. Good luck up there, make us proud.
    When is a door not a door? When someone steals the hinges.
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    But before I leave, I put a tracking device on the Sharpie and watch it get passed on from person to person.  Eventually, twenty-seven years after SANTA_ATE_CHICAGO stole it, I press the self-destruct button and ensure that nobody can have the sharpie.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    You had the same Jim who insecurely attached the sharpie to your crown make the self destruct button. He misheard you and made a shelf destruct button. When you pressed the button, the only thing that happened was the destruction of the functionality of a random shelf. This happened to be Hank's bookshelf where he records vlogbrothers videos, hence the reason some books randomly fell out of his shelf in last week's video, leading to the book tower contest. 

    Anyway, you don't even think about the sharpie anymore because you think it is destroyed, however I snuck into your office and saw the tracking device records. I quickly found the sharpie to be a block down in the dirt of an office plant. I take the device you used to track the sharpie and, by way of hammer, destroy it. I go to the office plant and pick up the sharpie. I calmly drive back home.
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    I invent a cloning machine, clone myself, leave the clone on the spaceship and go down to Earth.  I crashland in your house and grab the sharpie.  If anyone asks, it was a horrible space probe accident.  I then take the sharpie and join a remote tribe in the Amazon rainforest that has never seen civilization before.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • romy16romy16 The Netherlands Posts: 4,319 ✭✭✭
    However because the tribe has never met civilization before you kill the whole tribe with diseases that you carry with you unknowingly. This leaves you alone in the rainforest, in which you are unable to survive without the knowledge for the people from the tribe. Years later a crew of biologist, archaeologist and anthropologists find your body and the sharpie and they bring the sharpie to me

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    That actually wasn't me, however.  That was the one member of the tribe that was somehow immune, and decided to stay.  I eventually left the forest by rafting down the Amazon river, where I tamed a crocodile and now he's my bodyguard.  Get within ten feet of me and die.  I eventually reach the end of the river journey and hitchhike to a small town in Argentina, where I check into the local hotel.  Once I get there, I barricade the door and lock the windows, then hide the golden sharpie in an unknown location somewhere in the hotel room.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    I know how to pick locks, so I do that, get in to your room while you're sleeping, and find the sharpie in the trash can after searching for an hour and a half. Nice one, KGB. Good spot. Anyway, afterwards I become a comedian, but all my shows consists of puns and jokes so bad that your ears LITERALLY bleed after hearing some of them, unless you're like me and love bad jokes and puns. I am always in the place where I put on the shows, and if anyone steps in the room where I sleep a recording of one of my worst/best (depending on how you look at it) shows automatically starts playing.

    Is the graph smiling or frowning? I don't know but it's parabolably one or the other :P
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2015
    I just wear earplugs and take the sharpie.  That was easy.
    by KGB_the_Russian_Spy
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    However, you forget that I can still hear my own bad jokes; they work as an alarm. I wake up, see you trying to get away, and quickly tackle you from behind. You don't hear me coming because of the earplugs, and are so surprised that you drop the sharpie and protect your head. I grab the sharpie while holding you down, throw it on my bed, take your earplugs, and shove you out and onto the sidewalk. I then quadruple-lock my door and windows and go back to sleep.
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    However, I notify the town mayor that you are actually a criminal fugitive and he should notify the police immediately.  Because I am a bit of a local legend, having come from the moon, conquered the Amazon, and adopted a pet alligator, he immediately believes me and gets the Argentina federal police or equivalent justice force to arrest you.  I pick up my sharpie and laugh as you get hauled off to jail.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    That was actually my sister, who looks almost JUST like me, except she is slightly taller. You accidentally sent them an address one house over. You take a cab home. I also get in the cab in a disguise. I then point something out outside and, while you are turned away, grab the sharpie and jump out of the car after throwing a 20 at the driver. I run off into the dark.
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    I chase you through the streets until you are cornered in a dark alleyway.  I then glance at Tim, which was what I named my alligator, and said, don't move.

    Then I took the sharpie and scaled the building so I was on the rooftops.  Tim followed me.  He's very agile.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    I clung to Tim's tail and brought him down. I find a knife and quickly cut his head off. No more Tim. Then I simply wait for you to remember that you're scared of heights. You scream like a little girl and drop the sharpie 5 stories down. I grab it off the ground and run away and find a cab and go to the great wasteland of Nevada as you are using the fire escape to get down. I visit my parents for a while and answer all their questions about why I have been gone for so long. They get a little mad when I tell them that it's a golden sharpie. They will never understand the value of a golden sharpie...
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Uhhhhh, we never, to the best of my knowledge, left Argentina.  How would you take a cab to Nevada?
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    Because North and South America are connected by the Panama Canal. I'm assuming cabs can drive over that. Besides, it's a flying cab :) because I'm a princess in my own little mind :) :)
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • romy16romy16 The Netherlands Posts: 4,319 ✭✭✭
    When you are waiting for a traficlight to turn green on your journey I open the door and swap the sharpie and run away. You never noticed it cause you were sleeping. (its a long drive, google does not even know how long it is)



  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    I have now finished my device that will beam messages directly into the brains of anyone within a 100-mile radius.  I hypnotize the townspeople and order them to follow Romy.  They eventually run to Nevada and chase you into the town of Night Vale.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • romy16romy16 The Netherlands Posts: 4,319 ✭✭✭
    Little did you know that my official name is Rosa (true fact, look in my passport) So nobody follows me and I keep runing away until I end up in a tiny town in Oregon, where gravity is a tad strange.

  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    You get confused by the gravity change because it works differently than you expected. However, I had read a Wikipedia article about it beforehand. As you stand in a daze, I snatch the sharpie, run into a bathroom, and lock the door, caressing the sharpie.
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    I grab my trusty jackhammer and drill a hole through the roof.  I jump into your bathroom-bunker and say, "Give me the sharpie if you value your life."
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • ZoaThePersonZoaThePerson Nevada, the land o' dirtPosts: 243 ✭✭
    However, you forgot your weapons to kill me if I didn't submit, and you had thrown away your jackhammer before jumping in. I laugh as I climb out of the hole with the sharpie. I run away into the night.
    We must bring back the interrobang. What's an interrobang‽ 
    What do you mean "what's an interrobang?" 
    ‽ < that's an interrobang. a grammatically correct alternative to "?!" or "!?"

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