A million dollars but...

RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
This is based on a series that recently started on Rooster Teeth. The idea is that someone offers a million dollars but you make up some consequence that comes with the money. It doesn't have to actually be possible as you're not going to actually get the money anyway.

The way this works is you can ask for more specific details about how the consequence will effect you or you can just accept the offer. You don't have to accept the money if you don't like the consequence but you do have to accept the money in order to make you own offer to the rest of us. Whoever accepts the consequence for the million dollars has control over the thread until someone else accepts the new offer.

I'm not going to post a link to the videos because some of the offers aren't exactly appropriate for the underage members here but I will provide some of the more PG examples from the series.

A million dollars but for five years you can only wear cloths that are three sizes too small.

You could ask, am I allowed to just not go out in public for five years. They never said in the video but if I could just stay home I'd take it but I have to go out in public I wouldn't. A detail like that could make or break the deal for me. So it's questions like that you are allowed to ask before you accept.

A million dollars but every time you hear a dog bark it makes you poop.

One question that was actually asked in the video, could you wear a diaper? The answer was yes. I still wouldn't accept it.

A million dollars but every time you forget something it disappears forever.

One of the clarification questions that was actually in the video, if you forget someone's name does that person stop existing. The answer was that it only works with objects.

Another question was, what if I can't remember where I parked my car. The answer was the moment you realize you can't remember where you park your car vanishes.

Another question, what if you forget where you put the money. Like you get the million dollars and set it some where then forget where you put it. The answer, you lose the money but you're still cursed with this consequence forever. That's a deal breaker. I mean you're taking the curse to get the money so why would you accept a curse that could potentially cause you to lose it.

Another question, what if you forget a password. The answer, the account is gone, you forget your YouTube password, your account and all your videos disappear.

You might take the deal if you're really good at remember things but if you forget stuff often stay away from this one.

A million dollars but every time you see someone you're attracted to you vomit.

Question, how much vomit. Answer just a little bit like enough that you could swallow it back down. Not a lot just more like a gag reflex.

A million dollars but every time you use an object it says it's name.

Question, does it say it the whole time? Answer yes, if you're using a pencil the whole time it's just repeating pencil pencil pencil and because you're writing on paper the paper is also saying paper paper paper. This already sounds annoying. I would take it if the objects only said their name once per use but to have them talk the entire time I just couldn't take that.

A million dollars but every time you spend the money you have to lick it.

Do you have to lick every bill front and back? Yes. Every bill, every coin, both sides, you have to lick it before you can spend it.

This is a question that wasn't addressed in the video but it was addressed in the comments, what if you don't deal with any physical money like you pay for everything with a credit card. You'd have to lick the card every time you use it. I'd take that offer. Plastic is probably a lot less gross to lick than paper.

A million dollars but every time you hear the happy birthday song you have to go over to the party where it's being sung and eat their entire cake.

This wasn't asked in the video but my question is what if you hear the song but there isn't any cake. Like you hear it on T.V. and there's no physical way you can go over to eat the cake. I probably wouldn't accept it anyway because eating that much cake would just make me sick.

A million dollars but every time you have a negative thought a red light lights up on your forehead. Like even if you lie to someone your forehead just lights up red.

No clarification questions I just wouldn't accept this one.

A million dollars but for one year any time you want to go anywhere you have to be pushed around in a baby stroller by a muscle bound man.

Clarification question, what is he doing when you don't need him to take you some where. Answer, he's always some where close by just working out to maintain his muscles.

A million dollars AND you can watch any movie you want for FREE but the entire time you're watching the movie spaghetti is just flowing out of your mouth.

Clarification question. What if you bring someone to the movie with you? Answer, they also have spaghetti flowing out of their mouths for the duration of the movie.

Another question, does it hurt or is it like you're vomiting. Answer, no it just sort of happens.

A million dollars and a talking dog. The dog is like the best dog in the world he's literally your best friend, but no one else can see or hear this dog. There is no way you can prove this dog exists.

Clarification question, could you ignore the dog when other people are around so they don't think your crazy. Answer yes but the dog would lose the ability to talk and eventually die. You would still get the money but you'd have to either kill the dog or let people think you're crazy.

A million dollars but every month you give birth to a little tiny clone of yourself that only lives for two days and then it dies.

Clarification question, how long does this last for? Answer, for the rest of your life. You'd just have a back yard full of little time graves for these things cause they only live for two days then you get a new one a month later.

A million dollars but for the rest of your life every time you see a sponge, you have to eat it.

Clarification question, can I eat anything with the sponge to make it taste better? Answer yes if you can get to it but you have an overwhelming desire to eat the sponge as soon as you see it and you may not always be able to get to anything before you eat it.

A million dollars but every month for a year you have to go out on a nice date... WITH HITLER.

Clarification question, what happens to Hitler at the end of the year? Answer he dies, again, his resurrected just to date you for a year and then he dies again at the end of the year.

No one wanted to take that offer and that's the last example that wasn't at all sexual. Anyway... lets avoid that one because I think that would break the game. We can't change the subject until someone actually accepts the offer. These are just some examples.

Anyway the offer actually up right now, is this, a million dollars but every time you make a purchase you have to french kiss the sales person. You can ask clarification questions and I'll answer them until someone accepts the offer. Whoever accepts gets to make the next offer. You can not make an offer unless you accept one, you can only ask clarification questions.
Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
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Comments

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Do I have to french the seller if I buy something online?
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    No but when the item is delivered to your house you have to french kiss the mail carrier instead. You don't always have to kiss them, only if they deliver something that you paid money for.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Is there a minimum length for the kiss?
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    It depends on how much money you spend. Each individual dollar equates to 1 second. So if you buy something cheap it can be quick but more expensive items you'll have to kiss for more time. $60 = 1 minute french kiss. Also if there's any change you have to round up to the next dollar. So like of you empty the change in your pockets to give to those donation bins around Christmas time, even if it's only like 10 cents, it still counts as a 1 second french kiss with the guy in the Santa costume.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    NOT.  ACCEPTING.  
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    Well then you're going to have to sit this one out till someone else accepts and makes a new deal.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • SANTA_ATE_CHICAGOSANTA_ATE_CHICAGO PennsylvaniaPosts: 2,637 ✭✭✭
    Is it a guarantee that the person is a woman who's sexuality results in her kissing me being a pleasant experience for her?
    When is a door not a door? When someone steals the hinges.
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    There are no guarantees that the person is going to be someone you're sexually attracted to. You can technically refuse to kiss them but the transaction is not complete until you kiss someone. For example if you're in a store and the cashier is another straight man, you can ask if their is a female cashier available. If not you either have to kiss him or return the item and try again another day hopefully with a different cashier. As long as you don't actually spend any of the money you don't have to kiss anyone so you can return an item if you don't like the person you would have to kiss.

    They can also refuse to kiss you but again, you wouldn't be able to purchase the item you were trying to buy unless you kiss. So you would have to keep trying a different sales person until you find someone willing to carry out the transaction.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • SANTA_ATE_CHICAGOSANTA_ATE_CHICAGO PennsylvaniaPosts: 2,637 ✭✭✭
    Deal.

    A million dollars but every purchase for 3 years must be accompanied by a shot of vinegar for every ten minutes you shopped.
    When is a door not a door? When someone steals the hinges.
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Deal.  I love sour.  

    A million dollars but to keep it every year you have to murder someone.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • SANTA_ATE_CHICAGOSANTA_ATE_CHICAGO PennsylvaniaPosts: 2,637 ✭✭✭
    Who are these someones?
    When is a door not a door? When someone steals the hinges.
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2015
    Is there a particular way they have to be killed? Like what if I use some slow acting poison that will shorten their life span by 1 year. I still technically would have killed them but at the same time allowing them to live for several years. Would that still count?

    Also keep in mind that someone has to actually accept the deal in order for the game to keep going so try not to make this something no one is willing to take. There has to be some sort of loop hole we can take advantage of to make the rotten deal seem a bit more tolerable. I might take the deal depending on what your answer to Santa's question is but this is a back up question in case I don't like your first answer.
    by RialVestro
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    These someones can be anyone you want.  Killing criminals is allowed.

    You have to kill them right then and there, but you can do it humanely.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2015
    I'll take that offer. I'm totally fine with having to kill criminals.

    A million dollars but you have to give up everything you have right now and start your life all over again from scratch.
    by RialVestro
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Deal.  I guess it wouldn't be too horrible to reinvent myself.

    A million dollars but every time you buy something you give up one year of your life.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2015
    Deal!

    A million dollars but you also get the same amount in whatever the exchange rate would be for British pounds except they're not British pounds that's actually how fat you would be after accepting the deal.

    I actually looked this up. According to this site you would get 1 million dollars and weigh 633,500 lbs. The site seems to be constantly updating itself so the amount might change and your weight would fluctuate according to what the current exchange rate is.

    I also did this on my phone but it is kind of out of date and the exchange rates are all off.
    by RialVestro
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • SANTA_ATE_CHICAGOSANTA_ATE_CHICAGO PennsylvaniaPosts: 2,637 ✭✭✭
    That's sort of suicidal. 
    When is a door not a door? When someone steals the hinges.
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    SANTA_ATE_CHICAGO said:
    That's sort of suicidal. 
    The deal I accepted? That's not sort of, that was suicidal. I don't really care about my own life.

    The deal I made though, the weight would some how not kill you, just make you really big.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Does your weight decrease every time you buy something?
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    Yes, the amount of weight you are is directly tied to how much money you have so every time you buy something you loose weight.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • SANTA_ATE_CHICAGOSANTA_ATE_CHICAGO PennsylvaniaPosts: 2,637 ✭✭✭
    Deal.

    A million dollars but you can't remember anything for more than a day until it is spent
    When is a door not a door? When someone steals the hinges.
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    Question, if I already have a bad memory to begin with, would my memory actually be improved once the money is gone?
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • SANTA_ATE_CHICAGOSANTA_ATE_CHICAGO PennsylvaniaPosts: 2,637 ✭✭✭
    Until all the money is spent, you would have the type of amnesia where you cannot form new memories. If that is somehow better than your current memory then yes, your memory would be improved
    When is a door not a door? When someone steals the hinges.
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    I meant after the money is spent, would it be better than it is now not how would it effect me while I have the money. Also you just talked me out of the deal. :P
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • the_one_on_the_leftthe_one_on_the_left The top half of the longest undefended border in the worldPosts: 400
    Deal! I buy a million dollar house immediately. A million dollars but you die in 3 years.
    42*10^42^42.  NUMBERS!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Deal.

    A million dollars but you are not allowed to control either your voice or your body motions.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    edited September 2015
    Sorry but as a voice actor not having control over my voice is horrifying. I've already had that happen once when I was about 11 or 12 and then had to relearn my vocal range after it finally stopping with the constant random cracking. That was the worst part of puberty for me, no way am I going threw that again.
    by RialVestro
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • the_one_on_the_leftthe_one_on_the_left The top half of the longest undefended border in the worldPosts: 400
    Am I allowed to make plans to go into cryo sleep or something of the sort until the future lets me operate everything with my mind?
    42*10^42^42.  NUMBERS!
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,269 ✭✭✭
    Actually... my step son has Cerebral Palsy which basically means he already qualifies for that deal so can I accept the money for him?
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Yes.  If he agrees to it.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
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