World's Worst

RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
The idea of the game is basically to describe the world's worst possible remake of a book, TV show, or movie. Once you've posted you horrible remake you can leave a new title for someone else to post their horrible version of. And just so we don't run into that problem of accidentally skipping the last post either because you weren't on the correct page or more than one person posted at the same time. You don't actually have to respond to the last post that came before yours. You can write the worlds worst version of any suggestion that's already in the thread but you have to respond to a suggestion before you can make your own.

Except for this post however because I'm making the first suggestion there isn't one already in place for me to respond to. After this however all future suggestions must come after a response.

One other rule though, you can't post any versions of stuff that actually exist so if I say Transformers you can't just say the Micheal Bay movies and be done with it. You actually have to come up with something worse than what already exists.

With that being said, I'm going to start off with Star Wars.
Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
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Comments

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Jar Jar Binks is the main character and instead of lightsabers everyone fights with sticks painted the appropriate color. Leia, Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader, and Luke all die within the first five minutes and the rest of the movie is just Jar Jar wandering around a surprisingly empty setting. Also he can't use the force.

    (I'm assuming you're talking about the first movie, not VII)

    The Hunger Games.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    edited December 2015
    "I'm assuming you're talking about the first movie, not VII"

    I never said any of them were good or bad. I just said you had to come up with the world's worst version of Star Wars. But since you asked, I never really had an issue with the prequels... except for episode 3. Force Lightning to your own face? Really? Palatine is not that freaking stupid and it was totally unnecessary. He's not scarred, he's just freaking old. His appearance in the original trilogy could of easily been explained away by aging, there was no need to force lightning his own face until he matched his appearance in episode 6. That movie takes place over 18 years after episode 3, it's called freaking aging. That scene is totally pointless and makes me angry! The new movie was much better though... except his name is Jacen Solo aka Darth Caedus. The name change is far less annoying though, at least that can be easily fixed with ADR. Episode 3 needs to be totally redone from scratch. So much is wrong with that movie. I've only barely scratched the surface but I'm not going to go into it here.

    Anyway... The Hunger Games... I know how to make that worse than it already is...

    Make the kids even younger, like between 5-12 years old. Secondly, the "food" that the survivor wins for their district is actually the meat from all the children who died.

    This got dark quick... but Hunger Games was already pretty bad to begin with.

    OK something else... how about Doctor Who!
    by RialVestro
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    One very very very simple way to make it horrifying: Melody Pond was Amy and the Doctor's kid rather than Amy and Rory's.

    Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    Instead of the cheaply made British comedy, Hollywood decides to produce a big budget action movie based on the original. No more pounding coconuts together, now that character has been replaced by an actual horse who dies instead of just being wounded. The black knight instead of being a crazy loon who keeps on fighting after getting his limbs chopped off, he's basically a medieval Deadpool with a healing factor that allows him to reattach those limbs. The only way to defeat him is to cut off all four limbs at the same time. The knights who say Ni... are completely cut from the movie because I can't think of a way to make that silliness work in a serious action movie. The witch hunt scene is actually way more accurate to real life witch trials and all the jokes are gone. Basically everything is made more serious and dramatic. Also the movie is entirely made by producers, a director, and actors who are well known for crappy action movies.

    Well since I mentioned it in the first post I might as well actually leave it as a suggestion... Transformers.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    The transformers are just cars that never actually become robots, so I guess then the title would be wrong but whatever, and they're not sentient, they just have human drivers of dubious morals, and the entire movie is just random people getting run over by trucks and dying.

    The Avengers.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    edited December 2015
    Captain America is just a normal soldier with no super serum, and he was never frozen. Ironman is just a guy with a hot iron. Thor is just a normal dude with a hammer. The Hulk is a Mexican wrestler in a green costume. Hawkeye is just a pet hawk. And Black Widow is a villain wanted for murdering all her ex husbands and stealing their money.

    The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
    by RialVestro
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    The Heart of Gold picks up Ford and Arthur seconds too late and they die. Zaphod Beeblebrox is tracked down and impeached for his antics while Trillian is left to steer the Heart of Gold on her own. It crashes into Magrathea, destroying the entire planet and killing the mice. All remnants of Earth have died.

    Sherlock.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    Sherlock Holmes is actually an idiot like Inspector Gadget but without the gadgets. It's really Watson who is the genius but he never gets any credit for his work. James Moriarty is like a combination of Doctor Evil, Big Fat Bastard, and Gold Member from the Austin Powers movies. Just take the worst traits from all three characters and give them to one guy, that's what James Moriarty is.

    Justice League
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • romy16romy16 The Netherlands Posts: 4,319 ✭✭✭
    Justice League is made into a movie by people who have no idea who are in the justice league and are too lazy too Google who the characters are and what powers/character traits they have.

    They just get the names of the members and they try to build story based on the characters names. Like batman, that's a man who has a lot of bats who can defeat evil people. Wonder woman, she is a woman who predicts wonders or triggers wonders.

    In the end you get relay exited for the justice league movie but the writers got literally everything wrong just because they are too lazy to do any research. (aka me right now)

    Harry Potter

  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    They don't learn magic, they learn magic TRICKS like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

    Welcome to Night Vale
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    Well considering I know absolutely nothing about Welcome to Night Vale, I'm going to make the worst version of it by not bothering to look it up and guess what it's about based SOLELY on the title alone. I might look it up later but for the Word's Worst I'm not doing that right now.

    So Night Vale is a high school for monsters except they're all like Twilight versions of monsters. There's sparkly Vampires, ware wolves who just turn into regular wolves and for some reason constantly take their shirts off, ect. Basically they're just emo teens pretending to be monsters. Also based on the "Welcome" part I'm going to guess that it's a T.V. series where every single episode focuses on welcoming a new student to the school.

    Star Trek
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    edited December 2015
    *SHUDDERS*

    Though actually Night Vale is a podcast of a fictional radio station in the town of Night Vale, where anything and everything can happen- i.e., an entire world existing underneath the pin collection area at the bowling alley. A lot of the impossible is presented at normal, and the mundane as terrifying (DO NOT leave your houses during street cleaning day.) My signature is a quote from it.

    Instead of a spaceship, aliens, or anything else, it's just a bunch of weirdos named Kirk, Spock, etc. taking a really long road trip. None of the alien characters exist.

    Attack on Titan (it's an anime)
    by KGB_the_Russian_Spy
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    I've heard of Attack on Titan but never actually seen it.

    From what I've seen the Titans are giant people with no skin, so I'm guessing the attack on them is when humans steal their skin. So it's a show about humanity is a bunch of serial killers and the Titans are actually the good guys who don't want to hurt anyone. They're afraid of fighting back against the little serial killers because they don't want to squish the little people and so they lose their skin. Of course once their skin is gone then they start reacting in pain and wander around looking for Doctors who can give them skin grafts or someone to end their life since the psychopaths left them alive after taking their skin. The Titans aren't the bad guys they're just giants who had their skin stolen and are in a lot of pain. It's a freaking horror show.

    This thread is quickly turning from intentionally trying to write the worst version of something to guessing what things are about without looking them up.

    Pok'emon
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Real animals. Glorified dogfighting. Ash is a total monster.

    Jessica Jones
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    Jessica Jones is totally rewritten for a cartoon aimed at children so all the sexual content and adult language is completely removed. Also because a story about a former super hero who doesn't actually fight crime is kinda boring for a kids show, the title of the show is "Jewel" and she is still a super hero.

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    The show tries to be ~edgier~ and all the characters do is be emo and mope about how they are mutants and their life is ruined.

    Transformers
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    edited January 2016
    Transformers is already in the thread. You don't have to give a suggestion that already exists but you can respond to old suggestions if you want to.
    by RialVestro
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    edited January 2016
    Sorry, yeah, I forgot about it.

    Daredevil.
    by KGB_the_Russian_Spy
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    He's still a lawyer but is quite literally a devil. He earned his nick name of Daredevil because every single one of his clients is a stunt man. Almost all of which only became stunt men after hiring him to be their lawyer. (Another name for a stunt man is dare devil, get it?) Secretly, unknown to the public, they've actually signed away their souls to this devil. Basically the contract states that after 200 stunts or 22 years whichever comes first, he gets use of your eyes. He's also still technically blind because he doesn't have eyes of his own so he steals the eyes of his clients so no one knows that he's a blind demon. Also his contract guarantees that clients will be able to survive any stunt until their contract has expired at which time they will die in their very next performance, weather they do the show or not, he's still going to come take their eyes.

    Deadpool
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Deadpool is thrown in an asylum for being mentally unstable, and every villain he fights is a nurse or a figment of his imagination.

    The 100
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    It's suppose to be the WORST version of Deadpool, that's actually pretty accurate. Deadpool is mentally unstable and has actually been known to fight figments of his imagination. There's a whole level in the Deadpool video game that exists entirely in his imagination.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    Sorry, I didn't know much about it, and was basing it off the first few sections of wikipedia.
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • romy16romy16 The Netherlands Posts: 4,319 ✭✭✭
    The 100 are a movie about 100 robots that check if the earth is still habitable instead of 100 teenagers. You just see robots scanning the area, together with some drones which gives you a live view of the earth. It takes 3 hours and is actually quite boring.

    sesame street

  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭

    Sorry, I didn't know much about it, and was basing it off the first few sections of wikipedia.

    You should probably just guess what it is without looking it up at all. That usually leads to some pretty horrible interpretations of what something is about when you literally know nothing about it. I've done that twice now and I'd be shocked if my descriptions were at all accurate.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    The animals on sesame street are mutant monsters that used to be humans but were subject to cruel experiments. Now they are hiding on sesame street, terrified of the humans hunting them down to kill them. As another result of the experiments, they screwed with their brains and made them forget counting and the ability to read and write, so they are constantly reminding themselves lest they lose the ability again.

    Vlogbrothers
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    A movie is made about the VlogBrother's lives except the movie mostly only focuses on John Green as a writer. They never actually mention the YouTube channel... EVER. And the character of Hank Green isn't his brother at all... SHE, being Hanna Green, is his wife.

    You know what, I can't think of one right now so just revisit one of the previously mentioned suggestions.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • KGB_the_Russian_SpyKGB_the_Russian_Spy The Actually Rather Divided States of AmericaPosts: 3,668 ✭✭✭
    I don't really want to do one we already did, so I'm going to suggest one: Torchwood
    "Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten"  ~Neil Gaiman
  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭

    I don't really want to do one we already did, so I'm going to suggest one: Torchwood

    You have to answer a suggestion before making a new one.
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
  • the_one_on_the_leftthe_one_on_the_left The top half of the longest undefended border in the worldPosts: 444
    They take the name touchwood literally and it's just burning woodland at a snails pace for 20 hours.

    Once upon a time. alternatively, dragons den

    Oh it's you, that familiar pain in my chest.

    Oh it's you, that familiar stab through the breast.

    I loved you,  it was doomed from the start.

    I loved you, holder of the key to my heart.

  • RialVestroRialVestro Posts: 6,311 ✭✭✭
    The series is filmed entirely in a library and is literally just a librarian reading fairy tales to little kids.

    The Flash (Bonus points if you can do this one without doing the obvious sexual reference.)
    Ni, peng, nee-wom! Ecky, ecky, ecky, pakang, zoom-ping! Baa weep grahna weep ninny bong!
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