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RialVestro ✭✭✭

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RialVestro
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  • Birth Certificate Change

    I just heard the other day that they want to or are changing birth certificates so they no longer show the name of the mother and father on them but instead only say Parent 1 and Parent 2. This is being done because of gay rights but I have some issues with this new system.

    First off, a birth certificate is meant to show the names of a child's BIOLOGICAL parents. This isn't to say that a gay couple can't still adopt but adoption papers are not the same thing as a birth certificate. I would be more open to the idea of this being changed on adoption forms which also typically say mother and father on them but putting the name(s) of a parent or parents on a birth certificate who had nothing to do with the actual birth is basically giving false information.

    They're actually trying to claim with this that a child has no right to know who their biological parents are. I'm fine with giving rights to gay couples but not at the expense of others. They're giving rights to gay couples and taking rights from children that they use to have access to. There are several reasons why a child should know who their biological parents are. Medical reasons, such as allergies, disorders, or illnesses that might run in the family. How can you have a family medical history for a person who doesn't even know their own biological history? They might have a medical need for a direct blood relative. There's also the fact that they could have siblings or cousins without even knowing it. There have already been cases where family members have gotten married and had kids before learning that they were brother and sister. It's rare now but imagine how often this would happen when no one knows who their biological family is. Birth defects are more common in children born out of incest so again there is a direct need to know who your biological family is.

    Many adopted children want to find their biological parents for many different reasons. Some times they just want to know why the biological parent gave them up. They may even want a relationship with them. But most of the time it's just for medical reasons. And every child should continue to have access to that information.

    The only reason adoptive parents don't want their children to know they're adopted is that they're afraid their children won't see them as their parents anymore but that almost never happens. Even after they find out the people who raised them are always seen as their parents. Blood has nothing to do with who can and did take of a person as they grew up so this irrational fear of loosing your kids to some strangers who just happen to be the biological family needs to stop. Personally for me if I were adopted, it wouldn't change how I feel about my adopted parents. In fact for a lot of my life I didn't know my grandpa had no blood relation to me. He's my mom's step dad, her biological father died when I was a baby and I have no memory of him. It doesn't matter to me that he's not a biological relative, he will always be my grandpa. My dad's brother passed away a few years ago, technically his wife was only my aunt threw marriage and since my uncle died, she is no longer legally a member of my family but in my mind his passing does not change the fact that she is my aunt. I also have an aunt, mom's sister, who got divorced. Her husband was my uncle for so many years it doesn't matter to me, I still identify him as my uncle despite the fact that he no longer has any legal or biological connection to my family.

    In the case of my now widowed aunt, she is still the mother of two of my cousins who are blood relatives so in that since she is still part of this family sort of I guess... I don't really know for sure how that works and I don't care. In the case of my divorced aunt and uncle, I do have a cousin from that aunt however that uncle is also not his biological father. He has no biological ties to my family what so ever. I'm not sure how long they were married but it was at least 18 years before they finally got divorced. I can't really spend that many years thinking of a person as my uncle and suddenly stop just because they get divorced.

    If I feel that strong of a connection to someone I don't even see that often, I can't imagine ever telling a parent that they aren't my parents anymore... maybe just because I was mad at them for not telling me about my biological parents but I wouldn't really mean it. I'd never really stop calling them my parents because they were actually there for me during all the times when my other parents weren't around. It's kind of a force of habit too. I also still refer to my teachers the same way I did in school despite the fact I graduated in 2004. Technically they're not my teachers anymore but I don't know any other way to ever refer my relationship with them. That's never going to change.

    Another thing that never changes... biological parents... Even if you want nothing to do with them they are still your parents. That does not mean you think any less of the parents who actually raised you. So seriously, if you have an adopted kid or a step child, don't withhold that kind of information from them. They have the right to know and they won't think any less of you if you tell them.

    Moving onto my other issue with this change... why Parent 1 and Parent 2? Doesn't that kind of give this false impression that parent 1 is more important than Parent 2? Also what about single parents or kids who have more than two parents. I mean if they're putting adopted parents on the Birth Certificate now then I guess you should be able to put step parents on there too. Your biological parents get divorced and re-married then there would be a parent 3 and a parent 4 on the Birth Certificate as well despite the fact they weren't there for the Birth but then again neither were the adopted parents.

    Birth Certificates should be left to only include the names of the biological parents. Adoption papers however I'm totally OK with changing but instead of this parent 1 and parent 2 nonsense, there should just be one line that reads "Legal Parent(s)" I actually believe that they are already referred to as Legal Guardians. They're not really referred to as parents legally unless they're biological so if you want to change the word guardian to parent, I'm totally fine with that. I just don't like the idea that there can only be two parents and they have to have some sort of rank.

    Going back to the number thing because I don't think I made my position on that quite clear. Lets say there is a mother and a father... Would Dad be parent 1 or would Mom be parent 1? Does parent 1 get more rights than parent 2 in the event they ever get divorced? If the kid knows about the numbering... and this already happens even without the numbering but it would only make the problem worse... kid asks mom for something, she says no, so kid goes behind mom's back and asks dad for the same thing and he says yes. Now with this parent 1 and parent 2 thing, if the kid knows about it they're going to think it doesn't matter what parent 2 says if parent 1 doesn't agree then the kid doesn't have to do what parent 2 tells them. That whole numbering system is just ultimately flawed because both parents should be equals. Every parent is parent 1 even if you have four parents, they're all parent 1.
  • Re: For Nerdfighters Who Are Having A Hard Time

    (Comment removed at request of the original poster)
    OK first off... the "I'm not talking to you" thing isn't a game. Some times people just want to be left alone. I hopped on a plane even though I'm afraid of heights and had never been on a plane before and went to another state for two weeks just to get away from everyone because no one would give me any time to myself. As someone else said, some times the only thing you can do is nothing. Being that I've been on both sides of it I can kind of understand how you're both feeling. It really sucks wanting to help someone but not being able to actually do anything.

    Second, don't assume that I have no idea how scared you were. As if I haven't seen similar messages posted on facebook by the people I care about because I have. Actually was around this time last year one of my old co-workers posted something that scared the crap out of me but she's fine.

    Finally, whatever her problem is, weather it's with you personally or she just needs some space right now, it's still not right for you to belittle her behind her back. I don't know if you're turning your worry into anger or what but the point of my post just seems to have flown over your head. I also might be a little bias because my "best friend" when we were kids, he stopped me from committing suicide but that same guy as an adult almost drove me to suicide. Basically I've seen someone who seemed good turn out to be an ass hole and ever sense then I've had some major trust issues so maybe I was blowing something small out of proportion.
    by gnaist